Back to the Grind...

I started back to work on October 13th. I thought it would be harder than it actually was. I was happy to be back. Staying at home with Kayla and Bryce for 18 hours a day had taken its toll after the second week so I needed a break. I love them, of course, but I also need time for myself. Sadly, work is my "me" time. I am happy to be back, though. My mom is keeping them during the day while I am at work and I'll take them to daycare on the days that she can't take them or needs a break, and then my Grandmother takes them on Fridays. I feel very blessed to have family nearby who can help out.

Things at home seem to be getting easier. It has taken a while but we're finally fitting into some sort of routine that works. The babies are still eating about every 3 hours during the day and about every 4 hours at night. I'm learning to multitask and manage my time better. I haven't had to bring anything home to grade, which is nice. All of my extra time at work is devoted to getting grades done, contacting parents, and making assignments so that I don't have to do any of it at home. I have made a "work stays at work" rule this year so that I can enjoy being at home with the kids.

Since I last wrote, the kids had their 2 month checkup. They did great and they had their vaccines, which apparently they weren't so fond of. Kevin took them to the doctor that day since it was on October 18th, only a few days after I started back to work. Part of me is glad that I wasn't there because it tears me up to see them cry. At their 2 month check up, Bryce was at 9 lbs and Kayla was at 8 lbs 11 oz without their diapers. Kevin took them back to the doctor on Friday because they're still constipated. Their weights were up to 9 lbs 12 oz for Bryce and 9 lbs 4 oz for Kayla, with diaper. Kayla has seemed to lag behind Bryce more than she did at first. The doctor told us to stop doing the Karo syrup and start them on 2 oz of apple juice twice a day in between feedings and then he changed their formula to Similac Sensitive. We'll see if it helps. So far, I haven't seen much of a change. I know that I shouldn't, but I do feel guilty and like a bad mother for not being able to breastfeed and give them the nutrients they need to help their stomach. This just kills me knowing that they're going through all of this and I am at the mercy of the doctor. Both of them have been really fussy lately and Bryce will scream at the top of his longs for an hour straight. Kayla spits up a lot. It has been better, though, since we changed the formula. Hopefully things start turning around for them.

Charla

At last we have a smile!

Kayla has smiled before but it was in her sleep. Today, I smiled at her and she smiled back!!! I have waited so long for this. My heart melted when she did that!

Daycare

I will be going back to work on October 13th. My mom is watching them a couple of days a week so I need someone to keep them for the rest of the week. Kevin will most likely watch them on Fridays. For the other part of the week, they will go to daycare. I enrolled the kids in the BISD District Daycare, Site 1 and they had a trial run yesterday while I cleaned house and took a nap. I must be stronger than I thought because I didn't cry. Maybe because the daycare is part of my school district or because everybody that I work with who uses them raves about how good they are. The kids are still so young that they don't totally know what is going on so they don't cry or reach for me when I turn to leave. It is still difficult leaving them with anyone and every second they are away from me, I miss them. Going back to work and being away from them all day everyday will be the hard part. I don't want to miss their important milestones...first smile, laugh, etc.

Milestone since my last post...Bryce rolled over from his tummy to his back on September 25th. He kicks those legs so hard! He and Kayla both are incredibly strong. No wonder it hurt so much when they kicked me while I was pregnant.

Kayla has been a little fussy the past three days. She cries until we pick her up or give her a pacifier. She never did that much before. Luckily, Bryce was the fussy one for a while and he has gotten better which makes me more available for Kayla when she needs me to hold her. Things seem to be settling down a little more here at home. We are figuring out a routine that works for us and I am actually getting some things done around here. Although, they are done in little segments of time, they still get done and that is all that matters. It is still rough not getting more than four to five hours of sleep a night. I am looking forward to the nights when they can sleep more than two or three hours at a time. It will be another month or two before that happens because they were so tiny when they were born.

Kevin has been at a training for work in Richardson yesterday and today so he isn't getting home until 7 or so. I hate that he has to spend three plus hours a day driving, and on very little sleep. I've been trying to let him sleep in as late as possible but still allow me a couple of hours of sleep before he leaves. Luckily, this is the last day to go. Next week should be back to "normal" if we even know what normalcy is anymore.

I have to say...this parenting thing is nothing like I had ever imagined. Your meals, showers, bathroom breaks, and everything else about your daily life revolves around your child/children's schedule. You know you're a parent when you can do all of this and be perfectly content. I never understood this all until now. I would do anything in the world for them. Indeed...it is the hardest, but most rewarding job in the world; one that I would choose again in a heartbeat!